I’m at Target, it’s the middle of the week. My partner and I are getting time out of the clinic for our own sanity.

While walking up to the entrance of the mega corp store front, with its garish hotdog-stand-red façade and spherical bollards I see this tall young man, with perfectly coifed blonde-ish hair, chin strap beard, and a loose interpretation of a “tactical” vest. It’s basically a fishing vest in black. He’s wearing a day-glo long sleeve shirt under the vest that says “ASSET PROTECTION” down the sleeves in bold, black, block letters.

He looks serious. Rather, he looks like he’s taking this job seriously. He’s on the radio with someone as he stares off across the massive department store parking lot. He is a Norman Rockwellian example of American Vigilance™. He is the Omega Line of protecting America’s most precious resource: capital.

I’m sure you’ve seen loss prevention employees out and about, if you do any retail shopping. Or maybe you haven’t. Some loss prevention “officers” roam about in plainclothes to follow suspected shoplifters across the property to … what exactly?

I’ll be straight up with you, piggie, cha boi Jim was once, very briefly, a loss prevention employee for a rather large-but-local outdoor retailer in southern Maine (if you know where I’m talking about, shut the fuck up, we only dox cops here). I did that silly shit for about 2 months while I was between jobs as a listless 24 year old whose dreams had recently been crushed.

My purpose was to protect and somewhat deter, shoplifters from ripping off merch from my employer. Sometimes I would be in the employee uniform of a forest green polo and tan pants, planted at an entrance and checking receipts. Sometimes I would be in the camera room, dully switching between the 50-odd cameras across the property. Sometimes I would be in plainclothes, wandering around the retail floor, pretending to be a shopper, looking for potential retail “threats.”

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During my 2 months working in loss prevention I stopped zero thefts. I doubt I deterred any at all. This isn’t to say they weren’t happening, I just didn’t give a shit.

And that’s because during my on-boarding, I was given the rules of engagement, for lack of a better way of putting it. In the world of loss prevention, you are to “observe and report” suspected thefts to the authorities (the actual, real cops). Do your best to get a description of the shoplifter, try to get a license plate, but above all else, don’t put yourself at risk of injury. I was explicitly told by the HR manager that the company I was working for would NOT pay any of my medical bills if I was injured as a result of chasing down a shoplifter.

And the big corpo box store retailers have a similar policy, if not more aggressive one. Walmart has fired loss prevention employees for chasing a suspected shoplifter out of the store. Some of these employees were seriously injured as a result of their pursuit, one such older employee was stabbed by a shoplifter.

Imagine dying for a corporation that would fire you for trying to save them money.

And that’s not even the half of it. Major box store retailers like Walmart, Target, Barnes and Noble, etc, have the cost of “shrinkage (the retail industry term for shoplifting or other losses like damaged or lost goods)” baked into retail pricing. In other words, Target, et al, are upcharging knowing full-well that merch will walk out of its store in one way or another.

So why even have loss prevention personnel in the first place? And why would these fucking do-gooders risk their lives for a business that would sooner fire them than pay for any job-related injury expenses incurred?

Major retailers don’t give a shit if you steal from them. They expect you to. Even tho retail theft is actually in a downward trend (despite what recent fear-based political ads will lead you to believe) major retailers use it as an excuse to shutter under-performing locations. It’s far easier and more profitable for a company like Target to shut down a store due to “excessive shrinkage” than maintain the store and its employees because they missed a profit mark for the 4th quarter in a row.

Recently, Target got called out for inflating their shrinkage numbers by something like 500% in order to justify multiple store front closings. All those employees not absorbed into other locations are now at the whim of unemployment offices and gig work. The impact on local economies, dependent upon the retail giant, has been felt for months now. Some communities have been outright crippled by retail chain closings, since box retailers like Target and Walmart also provide access to groceries, baby needs and other quality of life items that can’t be regularly sourced, because TARGET AND WALMART CHASED OUT THE COMPETITION YEARS AGO.

But, enough on that, back to the loss prevention part. Imagine making barely $15/hr to defend merchandise for a corporate interest who 1) doesn’t give a fuck if you die for them, and 2) undercuts your existence because they assume people are going to steal anyway and 3) will fire you on the spot if you do your job “too good.”

My plea to anyone reading this who is in loss prevention or knows someone who is: stop. Quit. Find literally any other line of work. Sell drugs. Start an OnlyFans. Sell plasma. Literally anything is a more respectable living than being a corpo retail fascist.

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